Congratulations to Dr Mike Okonkwo, the presiding Bishop of The Redeemed Evangelical Mission (TREM), and his lovely wife, Dr Peace Okonkwo, as they celebrate their 39th wedding anniversary today.
The couple got married in 1980 and are waxing stronger than ever! 
Plenty congratulations to them!

Years ago it is not odd to see couples that have been married for many years.  In developed countries’ culture today, if it’s a long time people marvel. Even in this part of the world, it is fast becoming a trend for marriages to break up after few days, weeks and even months. 
No marriage is perfect. There are always some rough times. What is important is to hold your hands together and pull through the tough times.

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What’s the secret that makes a marriage strong?

We’re still people and people have issues. Even in heaven, there was war, when Lucifer was thrown down.  Issues will always pop up but the way we handle will determine the health of the marriage.


IT TAKES TWO TO MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK
Two people who make the same decision. Two people who form a partnership. Two people who make life mutual.  One person cannot carry a marriage no matter how much they try or hard they pray. It isn’t 50/50 — it’s 100/100.
You're a unit, a team. This means dealing with crisis and adversity together, and there's bound to be some over the years. Don't let others drive a wedge between you, including your respective parents. They're not part of your unit. They became outsiders the day you said, "I do." The best way to keep them at a loving arm's length, safely away from creating turmoil and stress in your marriage, is to stand on your own two or four feet. Try to avoid being financially or emotionally dependent on anyone else. Depend on each other for solutions instead. 

FOREVER MINDSET
Before wedding day it is important to take a decision and accept the mindset of forever. Forever is a big word to commit to. It’s scary. How is anyone supposed to know what will happen next week let alone forever? What about this and what about that questions rush through your mind.
But dedication to this commitment forges a strength to endure no matter what life throws at you. A strong marriage takes true commitment.
There is a reason for the old traditional vows, ”for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part”. It’s normal to hesitate before saying them — it takes commitment that doesn’t give up when life get hard.
 This means banishing the word ‘divorce’ not only from your vocabulary but from your mind. You made a commitment to each other and that's all there is to it. Honor it through good times and bad.  Don't leave your marriage except your life and mental health is threatened.        

GOD CENTERED MARRIAGE

If you think about the origin of marriage, being God centered only makes sense. The one who designed marriage, God, established it as a covenant between Him and the couple. So if He is in the covenant, He is involved. And if He designed it, it’s wise to have Him in the center.  A strong marriage takes the help of God.

LOVE IS HIGHLY ESSENTIAL

Many marriages begin with what people call love when in truth they have feelings. We can feel love but love in truth is a choice. Building a strong marriage takes many choices and choosing love is the first choice to be made.
Things happen and feelings follow but having a commitment to love will supersede emotions. Choosing to commit to love will be visible in the choices that follow.
Love does no harm. Love serves. Love honors. Love is not self-serving. Love speaks up and corrects with gentleness and grace. A strong marriage takes choosing love. Love covers multitude of sins.
 
BUILDING ANYTHING OF VALUE TAKES TIME
Life is complicated and so are relationships. It takes many things to build a good strong marriage — and keep it strong. It’s a process so don’t be too hard on yourself.  This is a list of building blocks to help build a strong marriage.

• Communication — active listening
• Intimacy — emotional and physical (sex)
• Respect
• Willingness to grow together
• Friendship
• Play — laughter — sense of humor
• Trust
• Love them more than being right
• Grace
• Good will toward each other
• Honesty
• Compassion — understanding
• Cooperation — Happy willingness to help each other
• Support — encourage one another in hopes and dreams
• Forgiveness
• Humility — Being able to apologize even if you’re not wrong
• Flexibility

THE IMPORTANCE OF INTIMACY

Intimacy isn't just sexual; it's emotional as well. It's a mental and physical closeness that allows each of you to let your barriers down, something you may not be able to do with another living soul. When both spouses succumb to the rat race, when both work and chase after numerous demands on their time on a daily basis, intimacy can easily be lost unless conscious steps are taken to preserve it. You have to make time for it. 

Passion Fans the Flames

Spouses in long-lasting marriages tend to share a passion for life, as well as for each other. Passion heats things up in a good way. Certain neurotransmitters in the brain spike whether you're getting fervent over your favorite sports team or your spouse. This produces rushes of dopamine, oxytocin, and vasopressin, which in turn promote feelings of pleasure, trust, and arousal — all good things for keeping a marriage going strong. Keep romance alive in your marriage.

    FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness also means that you don't hang onto past baggage and past pain. Be willing to let go and to move forward with your lives. Accept your differences and don't try to change your spouse.

   

This means more than taking a deep breath in the face of minor transgressions, although that's important, too. Yes, he always forgets important occasions and he doesn't understand why they're so important to you. You can fight over it and ruin those occasions year in and year out, or you can acknowledge that this is the guy you fell in love with and learn to anticipate that he's not going to remember. Take matters into your own hands. The fix can be as easy as reminding him rather than expecting him to suddenly change. 

    BE FRIENDS

You're not just lovers, you're best friends, and there's more to marriage than

crisis, adversity, commitment, and passion. Life—and love—involves fun, too.

Make sure you share it with each other. Take time to get away together

occasionally to laugh, kick up your heels and do something that both of you really

enjoy. But keep in mind that 24/7 togetherness can actually be harmful.  Everyone

needs his or her own space and a little bit of privacy.  Respect that and make sure

you give it to each other. 


This article is not exhaustive of what makes marriages stronger and last longer.  Kindly add yours in the comment section.  Thanks.