VISITING THE CHILDREN AT BOARDING SCHOOL

Last Saturday was my children visiting day at the school.  It is a beautiful time to spend with the children.  I hardly miss their visiting day. It is refreshing to spend quality time with the children during visiting days.  No need to be in a hurry, early arrival gives adequate time.

The mindset of picnic and fun is a good one when visiting.  The following are suggestions on how to maximally use our time when we visit the children at school;

SHOW AFFECTION – As soon as you set your eyes on them, give them a bear hug.  Hug them warmly like you really missed them.  No cold hug or indifferent peck.  Let’s make effort to be different from some of our parents that never hugged or pecked us.  Some did that occasionally.  We should show them love in our actions and words too.  Everyone needs love and no amount is too much.  Phrases like, ‘I love you’ and ‘I miss you’ should be used abundantly.  This will help them psychologically not to be carried away when that comes from someone who means no good.

RESPECT, A MAN’S GREATEST NEED

Respect in marriage is one of the most important determinants of marital health and resilience.  No one wants to be treated like a piece of trash. We all need to be treated right.  The man needs the respect dose more. You may find it a bit difficult to respect him when you think you are smarter, more efficient and had more common sense than he did. Even if you are, he is still the head.  People hold leadership positions and are expected to be respected, though they may not be the smartest around.  Same way we have to respect the husbands even when we think they are not as smart as we are. The number-one need for men is honor and respect. Men cannot meet that need themselves.  We have to respect our husbands to meet that need.  The home seems to be the only place most of them are Bosses, we shouldn’t take that away from them. After being bossed around at work place and other places, they should come home to be the Boss.  It is even worse when they are the Boss at the office and return home to be reduced.

Congratulations to Dr Mike Okonkwo, the presiding Bishop of The Redeemed Evangelical Mission (TREM), and his lovely wife, Dr Peace Okonkwo, as they celebrate their 39th wedding anniversary today.
The couple got married in 1980 and are waxing stronger than ever! 
Plenty congratulations to them!

Years ago it is not odd to see couples that have been married for many years.  In developed countries’ culture today, if it’s a long time people marvel. Even in this part of the world, it is fast becoming a trend for marriages to break up after few days, weeks and even months. 
No marriage is perfect. There are always some rough times. What is important is to hold your hands together and pull through the tough times.

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What’s the secret that makes a marriage strong?

We’re still people and people have issues. Even in heaven, there was war, when Lucifer was thrown down.  Issues will always pop up but the way we handle will determine the health of the marriage.

THE RED FLAGS TO WATCH OUT FOR IN A RELATIONSHIP

Marriage is a serious business and it is not to be entered into carelessly.  It is important to be observant and at alert when in a courtship. When we carefully observe our partner, we will be able to know the success status of the relationship.  Many signs are too obvious to be ignored.  If you are in a relationship, I suggest you reassess it with the following points;

UNWILLINGNESS TO TALK THROUGH ISSUES

1)      All couples have disagreements but unwillingness to talk through issues either big or small is a serious red flag.  If it is not talked about, how can it be resolved?  Many times talking about issues solves the problem.  I watched a story of two brothers who kept malice and hated each other over the years.  One felt seriously offended that the brother abandoned him at school.  They never discussed it until after 20yrs.  This was the root of the bitterness that gave birth to so many other hurtful actions and words.  On the day that opportunity came up divinely for them to talk about it.  The aggrieved brother realized that his brother had serious allergy and was rushed to the ER of a hospital.

TRYING TO SEPARATE YOU FROM FAMILY AND FRIENDS

2)   When they try to separate you from family and friends, is a neon sign.  Most batterers start from cutting their spouse off from family and friends.  Some go as far as changing their new spouse sim card.  Before this drastic action, there must have been signs of rudeness to family and friends.  It is good to watch out if your partner is always complaining about friends and family.

IF THEY DISRESPECT AND DISREGARD YOU

3)   Don’t bother staying in a relationship where you lose respect and your self- dignity is continuously eroded.  You are created in the image of God, refuse to be trampled upon.  The seed of God is in you, the seed of greatness.  Walk away from relationship that kills your self-esteem.  Some people don’t feel good until they reduce another.  They erroneously think that they increase when they reduce others. 

IF THEY ARE UNCARING AND DISRESPECTFUL TO PARENTS

4)   Some people live large in the cities while their parents starve in the villages.  A story was told of a young lady who ran away from her husband when she found out his parents were living in abject poverty.  She couldn’t reconcile the affluent life she is living at the city with the husband and the lack her parents in law are experiencing.  Please keep your eye open for partners who have a fundamental lack of respect for their parents. If they can bear to be super harsh and ungrateful to the people who literally gave them life, what does that say about how they'll treat others who get close to them?

LAZY AND WITHOUT FOCUS IN LIFE

5)   It is not good to go on a journey with someone going no where.  Some people have no life vision and will slow you down in life and destiny if you stay in a relationship with them.  Some people live life without purpose and plan, looking for who to live off.  Please take to your heels if you see any sign of a parasitic partner who has nothing to offer in a relationship.  You may be madly in love from the beginning and can cope but after a while, it will be difficult.  It is not a good feeling to feel used.

THE RELATIONSHIP LACKS TRUST

6)   A partner that suspects every move you make will not give you rest in a relationship.  Why would anyone want to date someone he/she doesn't trust? Checking your Facebook inbox in peace without someone mouth-breathing over your shoulder is practically a basic right! You are 100 percent entitled to autonomy and privacy.  They can have a look once in a while but turning to a monitoring spirit in your life is not to be tolerated.  Who needs that?

THEY ARE HIDING THE RELATIONSHIP

7)  A relationship where your partner is not proud of you and refuses to introduce you to family and friends, has no future.  It is true some people simply don't like displaying their personal life on the social media or even talking much about their feelings with friends.  This is different from flat-out hiding your relationship, which is about as glaringly red as any flag can get!

THEY FEEL INSECURED

8)   We all feel in-secured at some level, and it's nobody's fault for feeling that way.  The truth is that no reassurance from a partner will ever be enough, because insecurity issues live inside the person feeling them. If insecurity dictates a person's life, it can just as easily dictate their relationship.  Some people will still feel in-secured even if your name is faithfulness.  If you are sure you are not responsible at all for this feeling of insecurity, this is a serious red flag.